From a Mother's eyes!

Some wonderful pictures I'm ordering!

2009-07-30T04:54:00.000-07:00

I just LOVE these BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead Soldiers Returning From Iraq

2009-07-23T11:45:00.001-07:00

An image I'll never forget...the somber feeling of knowing each and every coffin -there lies a man or women who gave their LIFE so that I might live mine FREE!

My thoughts are we should see these images, WAR is scary, it is deadly and these brave men and women gave their lives so that we can be FREE! Freedom of speech, freedom of RELIGION, freedom to BE FREE! We should not cover it up or try to pretend it didn't happen. We proudly take pictures of those who return home safely, why would we not honor these Men and Women with the same dignity and respect? What are your thought? To read the article click on the title of this post.

Because Kid's Live Here!

2009-07-18T19:05:00.001-07:00

He did get a bath and cloths today! You wouldn't be able to tell that tho by the pics below! ;~)

Waitin' for muffins for breakfast!

Hehehehehehe....what a cute lil' smile!

Take that "brotha!"

Fields of Flowers

2009-06-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

I want to talk about the past three years! I know, I know will she ever be out of the valley and in fields of flowers? I am, I'm surrounded by beauty and grace daily! I'm blessed beyond definition. I have a beautiful home filled with laughter and love!

Is it true I've spent nearly three years grieving the loss of my son? Yes! Do I regret being there in dark sadness? No! I have learned so much about myself, things I never would have learned had it not been for Ethan!

For years now I wondered what it was that I was to learn. Are we to suffer here on earth? Ok that's a no brainer I learned quickly we are. Actually I have suffered most of my life so why would God allow me more suffering and suffering that I thought was too much for me? I don't know that I have all those answers yet, the jury is still out on that!

I do know that I'm more beautiful today because of it and that is all that matters. I love deeper, I hope stronger and I believe fearlessly! Maybe the JURY is IN??? Maybe God longs for me like I long for Ethan??? Maybe that is what he wanted of me, to LONG for him with a quench that would not be quenched, that I could not have enough of his unending LOVE???

I feel like I need to thank you, thank you for walking in the valley of death with me. Thank you for loving me all the same - even when loving me was hard. Thank you for showing me grace when I had none!!!! Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show my sinful nature and be ANGRY AND MAD AT GOD! I'm not proud of that! I am proud to announce I'm not in that VALLEY OF DEATH!!!! I think yesterday was it, I think I was so struckin' with grief yesterday because God was doing something inside of me that I wasn't sure I wanted him to do!

Truth be told I feel like if I stop grieving - I stop loving Ethan! That has to be Satan!!!

I have thought of how to say this and I think the best way for me to say this is...

...I want to stop grieving and I want to start living - I want to reach for the heavens and LIVE each day with the knowledge that I will LIVE FOREVER with my son someday and until that day I will LIVE FOR ETHAN!!!!!

So here's to you my son, the son that gave me LIFE, a life to LIVE FULL, TO LOVE LONG and TO LAUGH OFTEN!

I love you more than you know...or do you? You didn't want me to give a gift to someone else yesterday...you wanted to give me a gift. I took it baby! I took it today...I know I was late, I'm sorry for that but I know you and a heavenly host are singing and dancing right now!!!

Love,

Mommy

Children....

2009-06-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day to remember the good times our children give us. It is so easy to fault them, yell at them, and tell them what not to do. Have you ever just stopped to PRAISE them, speak softly to them, and tell them what a wonderful job they are doing.

You see Ethan was only in my life while his small body fought so hard to grow strong and when his body couldn't do that he passed away. When I held his little lifeless body in my hands, I vowed to him to always be a better wife, mother and friend.

Today I will go to work and lift my head up for Ethan. Today I will wake my other two boys Elijah and Mason with sweet kisses and love and share with them the JOYS they bring to me. Today I will remember my sweet missing piece - MY HOPE for tomorrow and I will praise GOD in this storm.

To Elijah and Mason,

May I continue to hear the beautiful sounds only a child can make, may I continue to pray your forehead never meets the sliding glass door! :)

Love you both very, very much!

Mommy

WHEN MOMMY WON'T BUY YOU DRUMS HAVE NO FEAR THE TRASH CAN IS HERE! OH AND YES STAND ON THE VERY UNSTABLE PLASTIC STOOL, THAT'S SAFE!!!

HAVEN'T I SAID BEFORE - NO RUNNING, JUMPING OR PLAYING CATCH IN THE HOUSE????? JUST CHECKIN'! ALSO, PLEASE WATCH OUT FOR YOUR LITTLE BROTHER - WHOSE HEAD IS UNDER YOUR ENTIRE BODY RIGHT NOW!!! LORD MERCY!

Happy Happy Birthday Ethan...love and miss you...so do my friends!

2009-06-22T19:21:00.001-07:00

Linda,

You have been in my thoughts lately as you experience another year without your little man. Ethan brought me a new friend . . . one I have never met face to face but feel like we connect heart to heart . . .
I have been in awe of your courage, not just with the loss of Ethan, but in your WHOLE day to day life. Thank you for inviting me into that life even for a moment!!!

Hugs to you and your family.

Vicki

Hi Linda. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you today.

love,
Erin

Dear Linda,
I hope that today was filled of some peace. I hope that you were able to remember Ethan with some smiles in the tears.
I always light a candle for Brona when I am home and today I lit one for Ethan next to his. They both burn brightly as their memory does.
I am so sorry we have to miss our sons, but glad that we still get to love them...if from afar.

Hoping for you some ease with your family and that your husband is well being so far away.

much love

Darjee,
Brona's mom.

Happy Birthday, Big Boy! Guess what I did to help celebrate? I picked some flowers from Marah's garden (yellow yarrow, white speedwell, daylillies, lavendar, and pink cone flowers) and I went to the cemetary where Marah is buried. I found the baby closest to your birthday in The Garden of Angels and added the beautiful bouquet to her vase! Her name is Emerie Grace and her birthday is on June 25th. It was a random act of kindness that you inspired me to do! Funny thing is....I met with her mom and dad a couple years ago when I was doing volunteer work at St Ann's. I actually spoke with her dad for a long time while her mommy slept. Little do they know Marah is buried near her. SHe had NILMDTS pictures taken. Happy Birthday to Ethan. (I am sorry I didn't take a picture. I felt a little intrusive taking a picture of someone else's grave.) However, please know that the flowers are there in your memory! Thanks for helping create a secret surprise for Emerie's family who I am sure will visit soon.
Deb

Hey Lin Lin,

You're little Angel performed the dance of the butterfly for me on his birthday. I just finished mowing the lawn, and your sweet little guy came and danced for me while I was watching the sprinkler. What a special gift. Thank you for bringing him into our lives. You had asked that everyone do a little something special, so I shared Ethan's story with the VBS families that I had at my house, and they were all very excited to participate in sending birthday wishes to Ethan for his birthday. Here are the pictures. We love all of you. Give hugs to Elijah, Mason, and send Kirk hugs across the miles for us. He is in my prayers and you are too every night. I hope your day wasn't too rough. Love you.
Hugs,
Jen, Kirah, Lauren, and Rick sends love too.

Dear Ethan,

I was so excited when your Mom and Dad first told me about you. We went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and your mom gave me a card. Inside the card had the usual birthday wishes, but this card was special because it was signed: Love Linda, Kirk, Elijah, and baby. I jumped up and gave your Mom a huge hug. You see your parents were truly blessed to be pregnant with you. They hoped and prayed and God blessed them with you.

Your Mom had many struggles the weeks she carried you with her. Through everything she loved you unconditionally. I wish you could have seen how beautiful she was during those weeks.

I was out of town on leave when you passed away. I still feel guilty about not being there for your Mom. I was at my parents house when your Mom called. Her voice sounded different on the phone, like when someone is nervous about giving a big speech. She asked if I was sitting down so I went outside and sat on the back steps. She took a deep breath and told me that you had passed away. I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. I started to cry and your Mom told me it was okay, even though I knew her heart was shattered. I learned something about myself that moment; that I could love someone I never met. I was so hurt by what happened to your Mom and Dad. I was angry that you were taken away from them. It was so unfair, your parents are so good. Why did this happen to them?

When I was pregnant with my son I was scared that I would lose him. I was afraid to love him, but from the moment I thought that maybe I might possibly be preggers, I couldn't help it. I loved the thought of him. When I called your Mom to tell her the news she was there to comfort me. She told me it was okay to love my baby.

From you I learned how delicate life really is. I'm thankful for every moment with my son. I'm thankful to you for reminding me how special love between a parent and child really is. I learned that no matter how much you prepare there are some things you just cannot control.

Happy Birthday Ethan

Love Always,

Katie

Dear Ethan,
The first time I saw you was in a picture on your mommy's desk. I looked at her area, at all of the pictures, Elijah had drawn several colorful pictures, and I saw your tiny feet...it was a happy environment. Your mommy is so proud of her boys!! I immediately took to and liked your mommy. The first time your mommy told me all about you, we were in the car. I have to tell you, you have a strong mommy. My heart broke for her...tears filled my eyes as she told me about losing you on earth and you going to heaven with Jesus. It's just that she misses you. However, your time with us has taught me to have hope and to rest in the Lord. Your parents and brothers miss you and love you, but mostly, I feel that they are honored to be your parents and brothers and they have the hope in Christ that they know they will hold you and be with you again. Until then, there is that peace, knowing they can rest in the Lord and every day does not have to be a nervous, uptight, day. I am a worrier, Ethan...I worry about things I can't control...I worry about children I don't even have yet. When I think of you, I know all things work for good for those who love God. You have brought strength out in so many...which I think is amazing that a tiny baby can bring out an adults strength...It's hard for me to let go, which is ridiculous because I don't have control to begin with. However, there is so much hope in the things we don't have control of...there is rest in the Lord. You actually remind me of a song my mom used to sing to me...it is an old hymn and she would sing it to me when she would put me to bed at night, "There is hope in the Name of the Lord, there is power in the Name of the Lord, there is strength in the Name of the Lord. Blessed is he who comes, in the Name of the Lord." You are forever a blessing, ETHAN!!

Cheryl, may you always know how truly blessed my world is because of the friendship you bestowed on me. You pulled me out of the dark, deep hole when no one else could! Blessings my friend!

Happy Father's Day with a car show and BBQ!

2009-06-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

Canvas Give Away

2009-06-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

My friend at Initial Designs is having a 10X10 Canvas Give Away. Visit her blog and leave a comment. You might be the luck winner! She made three canvas' for me a while back and I love them! I would love to win another!!

As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

2009-06-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Ethan,

I saw this video today and thought of you! You are in every sunset sweet baby and I will miss you all my days!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXWD1HjWI8M

Love,

Mommy

A day of fun!

2009-06-16T13:10:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Mrs Terri for a wonderful day! I'm looking forward to the pictures I ordered!

Naked Baby and Watermelon

2009-06-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

I can not tell you how cute I think this is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember

2009-05-29T04:29:00.000-07:00

A Note from Keith my pastor!

REMEMBER. This past Monday our nation celebrated Memorial Day (originally called Decoration Day). This is a day we set aside to remember and give honor to the brave men and women who have died while serving in our nation's military. To all of you who have served or are currently serving to defend and secure the freedoms that we all enjoy...thank you!

Have you noticed that we tend to forget that which we should remember and remember what we should forget? To help us stay focused on what's important, God provides us with certain symbols, markers, memorials, altars and/or practices. Scripture is replete with references to remembering...

In Genesis, God gave His people the rainbow as a symbol to remind them of the promise He made to never again destroy the earth with a flood.

In Exodus, we are exhorted to remember the Sabbath.

In Numbers, God had the priests put tassels on their garments to remember His commands.

In Deuteronomy, God told His people that the purpose of tithing was to help them to remember that He is to be #1 in their lives...in everything!

Jesus Himself established a practice by which we are to remember Him and what He did for us. As He sat with His disciples at what is commonly referred to as the Last Supper, He took bread, broke it and said, "This is my body, broken for you. Do this to remember me." In the same way, after supper He took the cup and said, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Each time you drink this cup, remember Me."

I realize some people don't understand why I "remember Ethan!" Why I celebrate his life in my womb! Why I celebrate his birthday's as if they were Elijah or Mason's! I do this because my God who Gives also takes away! My God has taught me to Remember, to never forget! I remember the day Ethan died, I remember the sheer utter grief that my family suffered, but I also remember the HOPE God has given me in Ethan! There is a place I'm called to be and the simple REMINDER in that - that is where Ethan is draws me ever close to HIM, to Heaven and the HOPE for eternal life with my son!

My Elijah

2009-05-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help but to think of my "adopted" Dad when I saw this photo! My dad Gary wears glasses and when I looked at this photo all I could do was think of him. Here's to Betty and Gary the best parents a girl could have!

Why do they grow up so fast...

2009-05-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

What is it about first hair cuts that take your baby away???????????????????????? Somebody please help me here! Click on that last photo so you can see those eyes - oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day! This ones for you Ethan!

2009-05-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Ethan,

As I layed my head down last night the room was still, quiet and it was raining outside. I opened the windows and began to day dream about you. I started to think my god you would be 3 years old next month. You would be full of energy and giggles. You would be talking my ear off and asking for candy when I offer an apple. Oh how I long to give into such request. You would be bringing me sweet gifts like caterpillars and worms from out back and I would be screaming like a little girl when you offered them to me. Oh how I long to be scared like that.

Then I pictured you this morning on this crisp spring Sunday, Mother's Day morning -

I pictured hearing the pitter patter of your little feet coming up the hall and sneaking into my room as I lay resting in bed. I pictured hearing you sneak up to the bed and try to surprise me with big hugs and kisses and the sweet sound that only a three year old could make when saying Happy Mother's Day Mommy! Oh how I long to hear your voice and smell your skin sweet baby. My heart aches for you most days. I try to not let it get me down, I know that is not what you would want, but some days like today when all I want is you - it's hard, it's hard to not take just 10 minutes and be with my God, my God who gives and takes away and to thank him for you, for the gift he gave me in you. The gift of eternal forever life with you. Sweet baby, sneak up on him today and whisper in his ear and tell him how much you love him for me!

Big, Big, Kisses from Mommy today!

I love you,

Linda

My 1st Haircut!

2009-05-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'm sooooooooooooo stinkin' CUTE now!!! I was cute before but now I'm super CUTE!!!

God Loves Us...

2009-05-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

When we feel all alone -

John 14:18,21 No, I will not abandon you as orphans - I will come to you...And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them. And I will reveal myself to each one of them.

Heb 13:5 (NLT) God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you."

Enough to Never give up on Us -
Deut 4:30-31 (MSG) When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, in future days you will come back to GOD, your God, and listen obediently to what he says. GOD, your God, is above all a compassionate God. In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin, he won't forget the covenant with your ancestors which he swore to them.

1 John 4:7-8 (NIV) Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

In Spite of Our SCARS!

Col 1:22 (MSG) But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence.

HOW DOI RESPOND TO GOD'S LOVE?

1) Receive IT!! "LOVE GOD!"

John 3:16-17 (NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 15:13 (NIV) Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Eph 2:8-10 (NIV) For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.

Rev 3:20 (LB) "Look! I have been standing at the door, and I am constantly knocking. If anyone hears me calling him and opens the door, I will come in and fellowship with him and he with me.

2) Reflect IT!! "LOVE PEOPLE!"

John 8:44 (NIV) He (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is not truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

2 Cor 5:16-17 (NLT) So we have stopped evaluating others by what the world things about them. Once I mistakenly thought of Christ that way, as thought he were merely a human being. How differently I think about him now! What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!

So with that What do you see in the mirror? Bitter, sadness, anger, grief???

Write it down and let God wipe it away...he wants to clean your reflection of what you see when you look in the mirror!

Baby Hunter

2009-05-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

My sister Summer is due in August with this cute little peanut above. She recently found out at her 20 week ultrasound that there is something wrong with a chamber in his heart. She is traveling out of town on Tuesday to UC Davis to have genetic counseling, an amnio and a detailed ultrasound to see what is wrong.

Please pray with me God's grace, provision and power be with her and our family.

Lord sometimes you give us things that we think are too big for us, when in fact your grace is sufficient and you make us stronger through the storm.

Give us peace during this time, understanding for what may come and hope for tomorrow.

I love you Summer!!!

His Boots Hit the Ground

2009-04-30T19:38:00.000-07:00

If you haven't stopped over to my "other" blog about Kirk's upcoming deployment it's located here: http://hisbootshittheground.blogspot.com Please pray for our journey ahead!!!

Momma got a new camera!

2009-04-29T18:54:00.001-07:00

Before Images:

After Images...how fun is that?

Military Motherhood Award Letter

2009-04-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

Here' the letter she wrote about me! How very kind and thoughtful - Shasta you have touched my heart! Thank you for always remembering Ethan and speaking his name!

"The mention of my son's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. Let me hear the beautiful music of his name!"

My friend of seven years has to be one of the most deserving people I
have ever known for any award concerning the Military or Motherhood. She has
been on active duty for 13 years, and she has three boys. Two of her boys,
Elijah 10, and Mason 1 are still here on earth with us; however one of her
boys Ethan was called by God during her sixth month of pregnancy to come
home. Linda had been on active duty for about 10 years at the time and had
just PCS'd to a new location when this unfortunate time in her life was
unfolding. Her husband Kirk in also active duty. It would have been very
easy for Linda to give up her career in the Air Force and on motherhood at
this time. She was in her sixth month of pregnancy so she had to endure a
natural delivery of Ethan. Linda took this very sad time in her life and did
what not many could or would do. She packed her family up and PCS'd to
Colorado. In Colorado Linda joined a group called now I lay me down to
sleep. Instead of dwelling day to day on her loss, Linda has devoted her
life to her family and other people's families as well. She takes phone
calls around the clock for families who lose babies. She schedules
appointments for a photographer to come and take the photo of the baby and
the family so there are memories for the families to start the healing
process. Not only does Linda help with the scheduling, she talks with
families who have lost babies and she does it daily. To the normal person
this would be a constant reminder of what they have lost, but to Linda it is
a constant feeling of helping. Linda has the most gracious heart. She was
blessed by God two years after her angel Ethan was taken home after many
failed attempts at getting pregnant. She was told that it was not going to
be a picture perfect pregnancy and put at high alert the entire time. Linda
fought through all the odds and she has a beautiful little boy named Mason.
He regrettably was not born healthy and has had two surgeries to date. For
Linda this is not a set back it is an honor. She is so in love with her
family, and God she would be honored to endure any earthly grief God throws
her way. She is up at four in the morning to make sure everyone and
everything is taken care of before she takes her two boys to daycare and
school for the majority of the day. She picks her boys up and spends every
waking moment with them. Linda has been an Airman, wife, mother, friend,
volunteer, and a soft shoulder in life to others around her. She silently
helps everyone she can in any way possible. She deserves the stars in
heaven, sadly she has been given anything but that. I am nominating my
friend Linda for this award because if there is any mom that I know who has
it all, it is Linda. She has found the balance we all wish we could. Her
oldest son Elijah went from hardly keeping up in school to a honor roll
student. This was all due to Linda's overwhelming ability to help others!
Linda is facing a eight month separation due to her husband Kirk being
deployed to Iraq. I have no doubt in my mind that Linda will hurt inside
daily, but in silence. No one will know or be bothered by her silent grief.
She will hold her head high and praise God through the storm! I would just
like for someone to finally give Linda the title of the prize she already
holds, The Best Darn Military Mom of 2009!

Me pulling my hair out! That's me "Tinker Bell!"

2009-04-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

Mommy to Mom to Mother

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth
is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Mom doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She's clueless.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman?!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom thinks about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Naming the Child!

2009-04-28T07:58:00.001-07:00

A book about infant loss!

I wrote this as a “gift book”—not in the conventional sense, it’s not exactly a coffee table book. But it was my hope that those who who knew somebody who is suffering in isolation would buy the book for them and take it to them. This simple act can open the door of conversation. It is a really good way to say, “I’m here, I’ll talk whenever you’re ready. I’m not afraid of the subject.”— Jenny

I haven't gotten the book yet but plan to soon! I'm sure it is a great read and very inspiring. I'll update this post after I read the book.

SERIOUSLY ~ I'm ok with it stopping!

2009-04-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

My backyard at 0500 this morning! I'm done with it!

Spring has Sprung!

2009-04-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

Isn't it so pretty outside?

Ethan we remember you....

2009-04-24T04:33:00.001-07:00

Sweet baby of mine, Mommy will always remember you. Your precence will always be with me! Thank you Carly for this beautiful gift. What you do for so many to find just a piece of hope and healing....you've blessed our family. To visit her site:

CAKE TIME!!!

2009-04-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

PARTY TIME!!!

2009-04-18T19:34:00.001-07:00

TODAY!!!

2009-04-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

YESTERDAY!

2009-04-18T19:29:00.001-07:00

Easter blessings...

2009-04-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today Elijah stepped out in faith as a symbol of his commitment to Jesus Christ. What a blessing for our family! Pastor Mark is the one baptizing Elijah. BE SURE TO PAUSE THE MUSIC AT THE BOTTOM BEFORE PLAYING THE VIDEO. Pastor Keith is the one speaking. These two men have been such a blessing for our family, always praying for us, always encouraging us and never failing to lead us to His throne!!! Thank you Mark and Keith for all that you do for "us" God's children we are forever thankful! Romans 6:4 When we were buried with Christ so that we could live a new life. Just as Christ was raised to life by the glory of God.

Elijah body slamming his little brother...Lord help me!

2009-04-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

What? I did nothing wrong!!!

2009-04-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

This was my first time having spaghetti and as you can see, I LOVED IT!!!! More, Mommy, More...that was some good stuff!

Elijah's baptism

2009-04-07T18:52:00.001-07:00

I wanted to share our wonderful news!!! On Easter Sunday Elijah will step out in faith and in front of our church family show his commitment to Jesus Christ in baptism!

For you to fully know Elijah's walk of Faith I want to share this with you -

Some of you may remember when Elijah gave his life to Christ. It was just a few days past Ethan's passing nearly three years ago. I had signed him up for Vacation Bible School (VBS). Since I needed to get out of the house, I too volunteered to help out. It was the last night of VBS and as I sat with my group of kids; I found myself focused on Elijah who was sitting in the front row far away from me. I remember the Pastor asking the children if they wanted a personal relationship with Jesus and if they did to raise their hands, Elijah's hand was the first one in the air - so PROUD, so full of HOPE in his sadness, and so BRAVE!!

If you know me, you know my indescribable love for all of my children. As Elijah prayed a pray of salvation I was thanking the Lord for the opportunity to witness his commitment to God. What a blessing that was for me in such a time of great pain - I was suffering the loss of one son and witnessing the eternal salvation of another son!!!

Since that "time" - our family as a hole and as individuals has struggled, with our faith, and with our hope that someday our affliction and suffering will end and we'll know full well the plans HE has for us. We haven't kept this a secret to anyone. It is what it is, our hearts (Kirk and I) and yes Elijah's too was BROKEN. The Lord in a mighty way has wrapped his arms around us every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month and every year since then. Yes there have been times when we haven't wanted HIS arms or HIS embrace - However, as I write this and reflect on the time since Elijah's personal relationship with Christ, I'm thankful for our trials, and I'm thankful there is a place we are all called to be. I'm thankful for Elijah's commitment to allow Christ to carry him through life and tough times.

Sniffer Baby!

2009-03-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

If you need a good laugh - pause the music and hit play!

...and you wonder why my heart sings!

2009-03-21T19:03:00.001-07:00

Seriously - I love my boys sooooooooooooooooooooo much and when Elijah does things like this my heart leaps out of my chest in unspeakable JOY!

Teaching Elijah how to bake!

2009-03-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

Elijah and I baked this yummy cake the other day! We mixed food coloring in small portions in the cake mix and then baked it. How fun is that??? Look at all the colors!

Castle Time!

2009-03-21T18:50:00.001-07:00

Well Elijah's newest school project is building a castle with at least "10" things that were really on castles back in the day. As you can see here we've got the moat, the corbels, draw bridge, the wall, and the portcullis. Were 1/2 way there, it's been a lot of fun! He still has to write his paper as well. I'm sure that won't be nearly as fun as building the castle! HA :)

Great find...

2009-03-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

The web site is http://www.kimbrastudios.com you'll of course have to copy and past as I still don't know how to make this a link. You'll love what they do with your own photos!! There are somethings that are very expensive but there are others that are wonderfully priced.

Hey there,

I know your thinking where has she been. I'm just really busy these days with random things and so my bloggin' days are few. :)

I hope you are all well. I wanted to share a few great finds with you!

"You're not going to fall, you're going to rise!"

2009-03-03T06:31:00.001-08:00

A brother's love - more powerful than anything I've ever seen! There is someting in their eyes when they look at eachother that makes my heart sing. It's not words that are shared it's in their eyes that says "I've got your back!"

Prayers please...

2009-03-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. ~ Proverbs 16:3

I've been studying for my next rank and test Wednesday. Please pray I do well and don't panic in the testing room. I have severe test anxiety and it's proven to effect my scores year after year. A good friend of mine said it best - do what your supposed to do and he'll do the rest! I've worked very hard studying - all I can do now is pray I pass the test! I won't find out if I made it until June though!

Elijah's thoughts...Lord help us...

2009-03-01T05:14:00.000-08:00

So we were trying to find a video on line to show Elijah (no not Tupac) and this is something he says...Sorry I know the video is sidways...nothing I could do to fix it. Pause the blog music...

MY SHOES

2009-02-26T06:40:00.001-08:00

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

I love and miss you Ethan - today my heart aches for you...it must have been the conversation I had yesterday about you. I don't know exactly what prompted my grief but today I miss you sweet baby of mine!

Elijah is the best BIG BROTHER EVER!

2009-02-22T16:06:00.001-08:00

Mason hates naps so when he's tired - he's tired and he could just fall asleep anywhere to include his highchair. Elijah saw him getting tired and just went to give him a hug and Mason in turned passed out on him. How cute!

Mason with his walker

2009-02-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

MASON WALKING WITH HIS WALKER!

Mason crying to see if he can get his way...

2009-02-20T07:17:00.000-08:00

Here is Mason's attempt at crying to see if he can get his way...I can't help but laugh - they learn so early. The question is how do they learn it???? THOUGHTS?

Some yummy recipes

2009-02-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

A friend asked me the other day for some recipes and I thought you all might want to try them as well. So here they are - ENJOY!!

Queso -

1 lrg block of light Velveeta cheese
2 small blocks of medium Mexican style Velveeta cheese
1 can of chili style diced tomatoes ***Drain well***I put it in a strainer until all the juice is gone.
1 can of Hormel chili
1 can of diced green chilies
1 small white onion chopped
6 garlic gloved minced or us a garlic press
1 medium jalapeno diced

In a crock pot place the cheese in and then add the following ingredients let cook on low for at least 3 hrs stirring constantly. Serve with tortilla chips and enjoy!

Chicken Enchilada's -

Cook 1 pkg of boneless skinless chicken breast on low in a pan (chop or shred)
In a pot add the chicken, 1 can of corn, 1 can of Tostitos chili con queso cheese, 1 can of refried beans (I use Rosarita spicy jalapeno), 1 can of sliced olives, 1 whole chopped jalapeno or a good portion of the jarred/pickled jalapenos chopped (you'll need to decide how spicy you want them). Mix well - (I now add green chili's and drained diced rotel chili tomatoes) Let simmer for at least 30 minutes (this will help the ingredients come together) let sit until it cools -

Out of all the above ingredients put what you want in them.

In a 9X13 spray pan with cooking spray -

Begin placing a good portion into a tortilla. Wrap at least 6-8 tortillas placing them close together in the pan. Once your pan is full pour over one more jar of tostitos chili con queso.

Bake covered for 20 min at 350 degrees.

Serve with Sour Cream! Enjoy!!

...AND one more for good measure that is SO EASY and a hit every time - a great appetizer or a dish to bring to any gathering.

Fire Cracker recipe:

Regular plain ole' saltines
1 package of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix
1 cup canola oil (if you're using an entire box of crackers; adjust the oil
amount according to the crackers used)
1 tbs ground red pepper (again, according to the amount of crackers and
oil you use)
1 tbs red pepper flakes (the kind you put on pizza)
Pour the peppers and ranch in small bowl with the oil
Line the crackers sitting upright in a Tupperware bowl (use a rectangular
shape) and drizzle the oil concoction over the crackers. Put lid on. Turn
the bowl over every 15 minutes until all of oil is absorbed into the
crackers.
REMEMBER adjust the amount of peppers according to how spicy you want them. *note if you use 1 pkg of the crackers use 1/4 of all ingredients, 2 pkgs of crackers 1/2 of all ingredients stated above)
That's it! Easy peasy! Prepare the night before a party or early morning if the party is at night. Serve with any type of cheese - I use sliced cheeses sometimes and other times I make a easy cheese ball:

cheese ball -

1 pkg light cream cheese
1 pkg shredded cheese (whatever I have in the fridge) just a hand full or two
salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste

Mix with a fork and put in a cute bowl (keep refrigerated until you serve)

Mason playing in his jumper...

2009-02-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

...and Elijah did it again!

2009-02-13T03:56:00.001-08:00

Elijah I am so proud of you! What a great accomplishment!

Mason reading a book and having a baba

2009-02-13T03:52:00.001-08:00

Who wouldn't want to do this all day long?

Elijah babysitting...

2009-01-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

Elijah blocking off the TV area - that's one way to keep him away...LOL

A picture of my toofers!

Ut-Oh-I know how to stand now on my own...look at me!

Elijah teaching Mason how to run, jump and throw balls in the house!!!! GREAT!!!

Peek-A-Boo

2009-01-25T05:04:00.001-08:00

Notice how it's all at the coffee table. He's figured out how to pull himself up and stand there...it's only a matter of time before he's off! Lord help us...

Baby Maddux

2009-01-24T06:30:00.000-08:00

Maddux Haggard was born 4 Feb 05 and met Jesus 10 Feb 05 - I met his Mommy in June '06 when my sweet Ethan met Jesus! The friendship I share with Cheryl is undescribable - to know one's broken heart is to know one's soul. Cheryl has shared her soul with me and I will forever be grateful for the friendship God gave us. Here is a letter to my dear friend.

Dear Cheryl,

I want you to know I've committed my prayers to you over the month of February. My heart has been so heavy for you over the past few days and I truly feel God wants me to come humbly to HIM to pray for you! Know that I've already started! I pray this "season" will bring you hope and healing. I pray our Heavenly Father will show you you're son! That in all HIS mighty power he'll revile himself to you through allowing you to visit Maddux even if only in your dreams. May your dreams be filled with peace as you visit with your beautiful son!

I've added two songs to my playlist for you - Broken and I hope you dance!

With Hope,

Linda

Initial Designs

2009-01-21T20:07:00.000-08:00

Here are the canvas' are they not just perfect for the family! Thanks Melissa for a beautiful way you've allowed me to honor my boys!

If you would like to see more of Melissa's work her website is:

http://melissajackson-initialdesigns.blogspot.com/

Elijah's photo's...

2009-01-18T19:31:00.001-08:00

I am entering a picture of Elijah into a National Model Search benefiting NILMDTS. All the money raised by votes will go to NILMDTS.

You can view the photo session from today by clicking the link below:

http://terriestrickphotography.com/index2.php?v=v1

Time with Mason!

2009-01-14T16:53:00.003-08:00

Today I spent the day with Mason - just Mason and Mommy! What a fun day! How can you not just love that face!

Mason's appointment

2009-01-13T15:47:00.001-08:00

The echo cardiogram showed that Mason's heart is just fine and that the left pulmonary artery is not compressing his left airway like thought. After reviewing the CT scan and the echo the finding is that the left airway is in fact narrow and that is what is causing all this. What does that mean now? We really don't know - we talked to our nurse at pulmonary medicine and now we'll be going back to pulmonary to either have further test or procedures or they may tell us it is what it is and he's growing and thriving just fine with it. So let's just let it be...

The picture of the card is from our church - what a beautiful gift to receive upon coming home from the hospital. Sometimes the LORD has you right where he wants you! What a blessing to know our church loves us and is praying for us!

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers. The Lord heard our cries and answered our prayers.

A book I just read

2009-01-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share with you a book I just read. It's called In Faithfulness He Afflicted Me. GREAT BOOK and very healing reading! What I learned most while reading her book was that we will all suffer loss in our life. How grief and loss affects us is all so uniquly different. For me when I lost my father at 16 over the years it didn't seem to tear my soul apart like when I lost Ethan. In her book she talks about her loss - that being three of her children. Two of her son's just days after they were born and her precious Anna who was 6 years old. Her grief and loss were instumental in her relationship with Jesus.

What I love most was that in each of her stories she always shared the scripture that backed her up. God will never fail us or leave us. Even as our hearts are broken he's there trying to show us WHY and heal us! He's Faithful!! So even if you've never suffered the loss of a child but you suffer and you want encouragement and some solid scripture that shows you why -read this book.

Lynnette, thank you so much for your friendship - I hope someday we'll meet. Until then know that your book has given me hope and healing!

There were many parts of your book I marked but the one I will share with you here is this: Your entry on February 15th 2005...pg 252/253 :)

I feel the exact same way - that He has taught me to trust him and that I have a treasure in heaven. He chooses our treasures for us. What a wonderful gift to know my greatest treasure in heaven is my son!!! Praise you Jesus!!!

Praying for Mason!

2009-01-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

Last night and this morning I came boldly to the throne of God asking him for healing and mercy! Thank you Lord for meeting me here today and thank you for carrying me through this time!

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

~ Hebrews 4:16

January 13 is coming...

2009-01-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

Sorry it's been so long and that I haven't spent a lot of time sharing and praying with you for our sweet baby boy! Next week we go to Children's to see the cardiologist and have the echo cardiogram. I must say that daily I find myself at HIS feet praying for healing and find my heart full of peace. I can't explain it but HE is working a wonder in me and I love that!

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.

~ Philippians 4:6

I have found great peace in scripture these past few weeks and have been humbly with my Lord!! I love hearing him answer my prayers and I love seeking his will.

I have told you this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

~ John 16:33

Amazing how you feel when you give HIM everything! I hope you'll find your way to HIM too - what a joy it is to know HE loves us so much! So I pray again today -

I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer.

~ Psalm 120:1

Heavenly Father -

Heal my sweet baby make all his troubles go away and give him great hope for tomorrow!

Your loving daughter!

Linda

Christmas Dinner

2008-12-25T16:28:00.001-08:00

We had a small family dinner. It was so nice and yummy. No make up, no hair, paper plates and all -- just US as a family!

Merry Christmas Friends!

2008-12-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

Today we woke up early had a lovely breakfast, opened presents and now were off to cook a warm Christmas dinner. May you be filled with many blessing today! Merry Christmas!!!

Cookie Exchange at my house...

2008-12-21T03:58:00.000-08:00

Lil' Deacon out to get him a cookie and he did that lil' joker climbed up and reached for and retrieved him a brownie. He worked so hard for it Shasta decided to go ahead and let him have some.

So this is how I party now and let me tell you we had a blast. My friend Shasta came early and cooked and amazing dinner. We had homemade egg rolls, fried rice, sticky rice and cheese geoza. Yum - thanks Shasta!

I baked till I could bake no more. The girls that came were Rachel and her mom Laurie, Desire and her mom Melissa, Becky and Joy.

So I wanted to have a lil' fun so I secretly decided to have a cookie contest but didn't tell them. So after everyone left I taste tested the cookies they brought and the winner is..........................BECKY!!! Those lil' pumpkin jobbers were great! I'll bring the gift to you next time I'm down.

...and lastly to my wonderful husband. People praise my house and my hospitality but they will never know how very grateful I am every time I host a party. My greatest joy is in you and how much you do for me to get "our house" ready for company. I love you - babe!

Update on Mason

2008-12-19T20:09:00.001-08:00

Well the news wasn't good - Mason's left blood vessel that connects from his heart to his left lung is extremely enlarged and that is why it is putting so much pressure on his left airway. The pulmonary doctor has referred us to a cardiologist and further will now have him do a echo cardiogram. The cardiologist will now try to figure out why his left blood vessel is so enlarged. She didn't give me the measurements but told me that it was extremely enlarged. I told Kirk it's because Mason's heart is so large he needs it to be that way! :) Really though - we own this - Mason is a child of God and God can heal all of this and or he can provide us the best doctors in the world who can make him better.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

Linda

Who is she?

2008-12-18T20:15:00.000-08:00

So tonight I was at bible study and we start out with writing our names out like this - we were asked to think of words that we thought described us. So there I was quick to jot this down.

Loving
Independent
Nurturing
Devoted
Accountable

But as we started the study on "Discovering My Ministry" I quickly realized that accountable although very much a part of who I am was replaced with Afflicted. I think God chooses those whose hearts can endure suffering. I know that sounds weird right? God choose me to suffer??? No, it's not like that! He choose me ...

2 COR 1:4 "God helps us in our troubles, so we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help we ourselves received from God."

So the famous last word of a woman is to talk about her shape but let me ask you? What is your S H A P E ?

Spiritual gift
Heart or passion
Abilities
Personality
Experience

I want to talk about a few friends of mine who may or may not even know what God has for them. My friend Shasta has a huge heart for friendship - she wants to know your heart and she wants to always be there for you good bad or indifferent. My friend Jennifer has an ability to ease suffering. She's thoughtful and kind and the greatest giver I know. My friend Erin oh my - if you've ever met her you'd know why I love her so much. She has the best personality any one person could have. She has a way to make you smile on the gloomiest of days and I've had many.

I have many other wonderful friends - don't feel bad that I didn't mention you in this post, trust me your time will come as much as you may or may not want that.

So I left the "E" out - well I saved it for me! I have experienced much and as some of you know I've suffered much! Not just with Ethan. My suffering goes all the way back to my childhood, youth, young adulthood and now as a Mother. I suffer today with not knowing if Mason will be OK. Why do I share this with you - because I want you to know that "My God has me, he's holding me this very minute - he's blessed me with suffering." There has not been one time that in the depth of my pain that I could not find him. If anything he's more present in those times than ever! I find myself at his feet - right were he wants me! Always focused on him - so let me ask you -

"What is your dream job?" No it's not a trick question. Really what is it? I've been in the AF for 12 years and let me just tell you there are days....................nuf said. So if I could pick my dream job the AF wouldn't be on my top ten list. But ya know there are two thoughts I have about this. One I truly believe our JOB is our Ministry. Maybe not where I always want to be but if I remember it's where HE has me than that makes the work load a little more manageable. My second thought is this - God created YOU for a purpose his greatest pleasure is how you use it. If you don't know what it is than start living by trial and error until you find it and trust me you will find it. Remember the girls above they have very special gifts and they use them well. For me they have listened when NO ONE else would, they've given when they couldn't afford to give themselves, they've made me laugh and smile for years and don't even realize it.

Lastly, searching for your place in God's plan is simple - just keep the finish line in mind and the race won't seem that bad at all.

Take a look at the picture above of the clay pot - IT'S ME - BROKEN but full of "living water" and so wanting to share it....

Goodnight -

Linda

CT Scan tomorrow....

2008-12-18T16:18:00.000-08:00

Mason will have his CT Scan tomorrow at Children's Hospital. Please be praying for my sugar bean!

Heavenly Father,

Send your angels amoung us - watch over him and steady the doctors hands. Let the Radiologist see every little thing he can. Be with him while he's sleeping let the angels hands fall on him and touch him and when he awakes give him peace. Lord, be with the doctors who tell us what they may or may not find - give them the right words for us. Lord, be with Kirk and I as we patiently wait to see our precious baby. I love you and thank you for all that you give and all that you are. Thank you for HOLDING me. AMEN!

Praying for Mason -

2008-12-14T17:23:00.000-08:00

The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him.

~ Lamentations 3:25, NLT

"I'm Coming Boldly Before the Throne." Remember the bible tells us you have not because you ask not.

Lord, I'm here and I lift Mason up to you. I ask that you heal him with your HANDS or that you guide the doctor's hands in his healing.

Your daughter,

Linda

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep - HOPE

2008-12-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

Holiday Ornament Program Exchange - I exchanged with a mom from Scotland. This is what she sent me...Thanks Marie! May you know I will always remember Adam!

An Ethan Ornament!!!

2008-12-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

I know I made the angel but I had already bought this one not knowing I would make one at Cheryl's. I decided to put Ethan's foot prints in it! Don't you love it? Every time I look at his little feet - I think "There is no foot to small that it can not make an imprint on this world." Ethan you changed me forever and I thank you with all my heart. I'm more beautiful today because of YOU! Love and miss you forever! Your imprint will forever be a part of me!

Mommy

Party this Christmas!

2008-12-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

A note from my pastor!

Luke 2:10 (NIV) But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

This may surprise some of you, but God is into parties.(Luke 15: 22-24) God Himself likes to party! He is constantly throwing parties. The Bible says that God throws a party every time a single person puts their faith in Jesus and turns from their sin. All of heaven parties with great joy every time someone becomes a part of God's family! Let's give God and His angels reason to party non-stop this Christmas!

Mason

2008-12-11T17:46:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone -

I wanted to give you an update - for some of you this is new news - for others you've been waiting all day for an update (thank you for your patience and understanding)! Since Mason was born he has had difficulty breathing but amazingly he seems to get good oxygen levels and proves to be doing ok every time he's been seen. What concerns the doctors at Children's Hospital is the sounds his lungs/chest makes every time they listen to him. Over the past few months he's been seen very closely by pulmonary medicine at Children's Hospital. His Doctor is great and such a pleasant lady!! He's had an upper GI, chest X-rays, scopes up his nose - the whole deal. To no prevail they find nothing with all of this.

Yet still he breaths noisy and faster than most babies/children. I can not tell you how many doctors just listen to him and then look at Kirk and I like "daditdadit." So his doctor ordered a Bronch which we waited 2 months for. Then a few weeks after we got our surgery date Kirk got a TDY to Alabama. We decided to keep the surgery time because the time it took for this appointment was a long wait and I didn't want to reschedule. Then this morning I go to get Mason out of bed and can see he has pink eye - not what I wanted to see the day of his surgery. The paper clearly stated if he was sick at all it would be rescheduled. So we arrived and the first nurse I spoke to I shared this with. The doctors took a look and decided they would go ahead with the procedure. The day was long but my supervisor came to sit with me for awhile (thanks MSgt Lovely) and my dear friend Shasta also came and spent the afternoon with me and was there when I received the not so great news!

Mason has something called mild subglotal stanosis (sp) which is not to alarming and most likely why he sounds noisy while he breaths. What was alarming was that half way down his trachea there is a blockage of some sort which covers about half his airway - then in the left airway the same blockage occurs but in this area it is completely blocked and the only positive is that it pulsates allowing air to travel to his lung (hence the rapid quick breathing he's done since birth).

Long story short - the doctor with the bronch could not tell us what that blockage was. We will have to go back to Children's next week for a CT scan. I ask that you join me in prayer! That God will provide the knowledge needed for the staff and doctors to help Mason get better. It looks like this might be a long road for us (as if it hasn't already been). Pray for peace and understanding that we will trust God and know that he's a part of this and that "WE OWN THIS!" I need to claim this. Since I've lost Ethan, I've become one of those people who has stepped away from prayer (ya know the kind of prayer God calls us to PRAY) and found that I became one of those people who defaulted to "What will be will be!" I want to say it today! That is not what God wants from me! In prayer and petition He wants my heart, my mind, my spirit to cry out to HIM and ask it! So I will cry out to HIM, please hold my hand in this journey, please join me in praying for my sweet child....

"Father in Heaven! I give Mason to you! I ask that you heal him, that you help the doctor's figure out what is causing his breathing. Lord, I ask that you be with him while he sleeps! That you give Kirk and I peace and comfort as we rest our eyes and minds at night. That you give us restful nights as you know how stressful our nights are when he's not breathing well. We thank you Lord for all that you are, all that you give - give us Healing in Mason, give the doctors, steady hands and alert minds to figure out what the blockage is. We ask all this in your sons name! AMEN!!

All my love - thanks for being my friend!

Linda

PS these pictures were before the IV, meds, sedation yatty, yatty...he looked miserable afterward.

We elf'd ourselves...pause the blog music first then click the link's below:

2008-12-11T05:52:00.000-08:00

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/iRv1QEZH6GpENCrltzoI

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/rbXEEyUOaUSu1nPRsbl8

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Cbc6VClewK2MmqilRrIB

Remembering our Angels

2008-12-06T19:27:00.000-08:00

Today we drove to Cheryl's house to spend the day with other families who have lost a child. The day was bitter sweet - we ate, talked, shared our children with one another. It's sad but also nice to be around people who are just like you. It's sad to know they know your pain, it's nice to know you don't have to explain yourself. We made ornaments to remember our sweet babies. Here's the one I made!

The excitement of the day was when we all arrived to her home. There was a herd of Elk surrounding her house. They are beautiful aren't they?

Cheryl's daughter Natalie took care of Mason the entire day. She fed him, changed him and played with him. Natalie, thank you so very much. You allowed me to spend time making what turned out to be a beautiful remembrance ornament for Ethan. I wouldn't have been able to work on it if you weren't so attentive to Lil' Mas Mas! Thank you so very much! Thank you also for sharing your heart about Maddux! I miss him too!

Compassion

2008-12-06T03:58:00.001-08:00

Compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. (Dictionary.com)

I was reading a thread on my friends blog who has laid to rest three of her precious children and I started to think....

Do people think compassion comes from Empathy or Sympathy? Empathy being you yourself can relate - you know the pain. Sympathy being you just have to imagine but when doing that, that is too hard but if you just stop and do that can you then have compassion?

I share this with you because over the past two and half years there are few I share Ethan with, there are few that shared his loss with my family. There are many who turn away and don't want anything to do with it. This made me think? Why do people run from pain, suffering, misfortune? Are they afraid? Do they have no words? Do they not "feel" my heartache, my pain, my loss, my grief? Is it at a level that no one can Empathize with - so better to turn the other way?

In a weird way I get it! I never thought I would. I remember the first few phone calls from friends who lost their children. My heart broke for them, my cries even louder to the Lord. "Why?", I became a sounding board for so many and Yes the Lord has used me in a mighty way to help others through the heartache, the pain, the loss of holding their dead baby. Did I just say that? Yes I did! Holding their dead baby! If you've never held a lifeless baby in your arms, cradled them, kissed them and screamed out to God all at once asking why. I wouldn't want you to understand my broken heart or the pain I carry.

I would want you to sympathize, learn and educate yourself to better imagine my pain. Take just five minutes and bring yourself back to that day you delivered your child into this world and imagine all in one day it going terribly wrong and you, yes you have to walk out of Labor and Delivery with your sweet beautiful child laying in his or her bassinet alone. Not only did I hold my sweet Ethan that day and love him and tell him how precious he was to me but I LEFT him, I never in all my days will forget the room, the door that separated us, the women's faces as I walked my walk of shame leaving that hospital that day. I'll never forget Kirk picking me up as my body slumped to the floor in sheer and utter grief as my legs and knees crumbled before me. I'll never forget the days that followed and the pain I felt as I could not get out of bed.

So do I get it? Yes absolutely - I get it! I know the pain a Mother's heart feels. Does that make me more special? No I don't think so.

Last year a good friend of mine lost his Mother. Her birthday and the day she died are almost intertwined. I don't know what it is like to loose my Mother. I wanted to show him compassion so I stopped and brought myself to his pain, his loss, and his grief. I remembered those dreaded months and days as he watched is Mother suffer from cancer and as he cared for her every need in her final days and hours. I took the time to remember his family and his Mother. Not only did I do that, I e-mailed him because he's currently overseas away from his own family right now on a remote tour.

All I ask is that you remember, that you never forget Ethan. That you can bring yourself to that dreaded day and that you can only imagine and that yes Ethan to you was real, that he lives in your heart and your mind like Elijah and Mason and that you long for the day you meet him too!

If you've never told me that and you really do feel that way please tell me. Show me compassion, alleviate "some" of my suffering.

All my love,

Linda

Mason's car noises...

2008-12-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

Boys are born with making noises aren't they?

Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!

2008-12-04T03:57:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just need a Peanut Butter Jelly Time? I tell you if not for Elijah who would bring me these simple joys in life? The kid is hilarious. The other day I was just cranky and down (note: that happens monthly to me) and Elijah busted out with "Mom, is it Peanut Butter Jelly Time?" Who could stay cranky after that? Yes he even did the dance...I'm telling you he had me rollin'! I love you bug!

Quote that makes you think...

2008-12-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

'My life may not have turned out like I had planned or thought it should be, but I have ended up where I was needed and intended to be..'

Mmmmm...that's some food for thought!!! Isn't it? I'm here, I'm a stained filthy rag, but I'm here! I love who I am, I love where I'm at. Life is not fair by no means - but I accept that. Hold strong to who you are and never ever loose hope!

Mason's Toy!

2008-11-30T16:02:00.000-08:00

Mason just loves eating everything he can put in his mouth!

Tis the season!

2008-11-30T15:48:00.000-08:00

My three lil' tree's for my three boys!

The banister!

Our Tree!

Prissy Missy...what dog posses for pictures?

Our mantel!

Her Tear!

2008-11-27T19:59:00.000-08:00

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands.

"The angel was astounded at the requirements."Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman."But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied,"Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek."Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected,"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed."You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

As American As Apple PIE!

2008-11-27T19:12:00.001-08:00

Mas with DaDa! Yes Mason says DaDa...not MaMa!

Mas with DaDa!

After dinner, nothing like a nap on the floor! Were classy folks I tell ya!

My Apple Pie didn't it look YUMMY?

What are you Thankful for today?

2008-11-27T05:48:00.000-08:00

As I start to type I realize this a prayer for me so I'll start by saying -

Heavenly Father - Thank you Lord for Ethan, thank you for his short life lived in my womb! Thank you for the life that brought Kirk and I as close together as ever. We would not be the couple we are today if not for the sweet baby you gave us. Lord thank you for Elijah, my rock, thank you for teaching him there is a place we are all called to be. For not for Ethan he wouldn't have come to accept you as his Lord and Savior that night! Lord Thank you for Mason!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Lord let me be the Mom you have called me to be to them. And Lord with Thanks I also ask for one thing - let Ethan be with us today! Show us he's here watching over us loving us and KNOWING us! Lord I don't know that I have ever thanked you for that day, but today I can! Thank you Lord for that dreaded day! Thank you for being there with us in our sorrow! Thank you for carrying me that day and all this time and THANK YOU LORD for continuing to carry me tomorrow! Thank you Lord! In Jesus name...Amen!

"JOY IS FOUND IN...ENJOYING PEOPLE"

2008-11-24T18:42:00.000-08:00

How to enjoy the people in your LIFE!

Mmmmm...that should make you ponder! Here's part two sorry I'm a week behind. It's been a busy week!

1. Look for the good in others!
Philip. 1:3 (NIV) I thank my God every time I remember you.
Philip. 1:5 TEV) you have helped me...from the very first day until now.

2. Pray with JOY!
Philip. 1:4 (NIV) In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.
Philip. 1:9-11 (NLT) I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understand. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation - those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ - for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

Pray they will...
Grow in love
Make wise choices
Do the right things
Live for God's Glory

3. Be patient with their progress

Philip. 1:6 (Msg) There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

Hebrews 12:2a (NIV) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

4. Love from the Heart! "Listen to your heart, not your mind"

Philp. 1:8 (NIV) God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

I think we should all wear "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" signs, don't you?

Romans 5:5 (NIV) God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

1 Timothy 2:1-2

2008-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

A message from my pastor - I couldn't have said it any better!

"UNCHANGING". We've been hearing so much about change as of late, I thought it would be fun to mix it up and look at the other side of change in the midst of all the change. (The American Heritage Dictionary defines unchanging as remaining the same.)

We now have a new President-elect, Barack Obama. Based on the popular vote, just over half of you are pleased with the outcome and the other half of you are not. However, independent of where you stand politically or who you voted for, our responsibility as followers of Christ remains the same.

With 1 Timothy 2:1-2 as our biblical mandate we are to dedicate ourselves "to pray for all those who are in authority."

In his acceptance speech, President-elect Obama acknowledged that the road ahead will be tough. Our faithful prayer support for our soon to be president and vice president is desperately needed! If we hope to remain great as "one nation, under God", we must come under God's authority, wisdom and counsel as one.

President-elect Obama said, "We are and always will be the United States of America." The word that stood out to me when he said that was "united".

Let's "unite" together in prayer for this great nation and for all who are in authority as we call on our great, unchanging God to bring about the kind of change in our world, country and personal lives that will honor Him! After all, He alone is consistent, constant, unwavering, unfailing, eternal and unchanging!

Malachi 3:6a (NLT) "I am the Lord and I do not change!"

Elijah eating baby food...

2008-11-12T04:21:00.000-08:00

Be prepared it's really funny! Kirk told him he would give him $20.00 for eating a jar. So Elijah picked cereal with applesauce. So you know Kirk said, "oh, no, no, no"...and hand picked 'mixed veggies.' Who does this to their kid? So being the wonderful mother I am I uped the anti only because I felt bad. So I offered $20.00 more dollars. After he came back from rinsing his mouth he said, "you two can keep your 40 bucks! It's not worth it!" Notice Mason in the back ground, he just looked at Elijah the whole time like if your not going to eat it...well then hand it over!

What gives you JOY?

2008-11-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited - over the next two month we will be doing a series on JOY at Church! How appropriate for our family and for this season!

Today we talked about the following:

Look at life from God's perspective!

Philippians 1:12-14 (NIV) Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.

God has a purpose behind every one of my problems!

Focus on what really matters!

Philippians 1:15, 18-19 (NIV) It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill...But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me with turn out for my deliverance.

Live life with purpose!

Philippians 1:21 (NIV) For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

FORMULA FOR JOY!!!
"J" Jesus 1st
"O" Others 2nd
"Y" Yourself 3rd

Proverbs 3:6 (Living) In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

So dig deeper -

How would you define or describe joy?
What's the difference between joy and happiness?
Why do so many people lack joy?
Based on what we see in Paul's letter to the Philippians, what was it that enabled Paul to have joy 'no matter what'?
In what way are you challenged by Paul's example and exhortation to be joyful no matter what?
In the message, Pastor Keith said, "Your problem isn't really your greatest problem, but it's how you see your problem." Do you agree with this?

For me I see Ethan as JOY in my life - I didn't always see it that way but today I do!

Now with the military - I need to work at seeing it as JOY! This is a challenge for me. I love serving my country. I love putting on this uniform each and every day. What I don't love is sharing my time for my family with others. Today's message hit me because of the above "JOY" 1st, 2nd, 3rd...I want to continue to serve my country without feeling torn by wanting to be soly committed to my family.

Love him, love him, love him...

2008-11-05T19:18:00.000-08:00

How could you not! Look at the sugar bean!

Elijah's Awards

2008-11-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Elijah completed first quarter with the following awards:

Academic Diligence
Perfect Attendance
Perfect Homework
and last but not least -
He made the Honor Roll for all A's and B's.....

You go BUG!!

Last game of the season!

2008-11-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

These two videos are of Elijah at his last game! You go E!!

Psalm 42:11

2008-10-30T03:59:00.000-07:00

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again…

~ Psalm 42:11, NLT

Oh - My! I have been there.........................it started in June 2006 I would say and lingured for years. I was SO SAD! Over the two years I put my hope in God. However, more recently found that I can praise him again...

How about you! Is your heart sad? Do you put your hope in God? Do you praise Him? I know it's so hard to understand WHY, but try to. The best answer for me was "HE TOO LOST HIS SON!" Who better to understand my broken heart then him. Keep your head up, keep searching for your peace until you find it!

What's up with this face???

2008-10-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

Whose child is this? lol - where in the world does he get the personality from?

Kirk, Elijah, Ethan and Mason...

2008-10-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

~ Ecclesiastes 4:12, NLT

I truly believe the Lord has given me Kirk to stand back to back with. I believe he gave me Elijah to start weaving our braid together, Ethan to pull it close and tight and Mason to ensure it never breaks.

Thank you Lord for my boys all four of them! But Lord I thank you for my husband the man I choose to stand back to back with to conquer this earthly life with. You've blessed me richly in our marriage, our journey as husband and wife and our life. I will forever be thankful for your gifts in my life.

Daddy's hands YUM!

2008-10-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

Who needs a "paci" when you have these hands?

Mason Just LOVESSSSSSSSSS Elijah!

2008-10-22T03:59:00.000-07:00

Fate or FAITH???

2008-10-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

The other day I had a conversation at work about Faith or Fate...the person I was talking to said, "Don't you believe they are the same?" It all got started because someone mentioned "prayer."

For me NO I don't believe they are the same nor do I believe in "fate" simply by definition, things which are believed to just happen. Some might even say it was destine to happen...so let me share my view since I didn't get to at work. You know me, I don't like conflict!

Faith by definition most would say is believing in something you can not see...so if I stand behind you and ask you to fall into my arms you would need faith to believe I would catch you. I would closely relate TRUST with FAITH...so with that said, wouldn't you say that Faith is more than believing in something you can not see?

It's a loyalty, trust and belief in GOD -

When I lost Ethan I didn't think it was FATE that brought me to that point in my life but a FAITH in GOD that HE allowed me to walk through the VALLEY! I'm loyal to HIS will for my life, I trust HIM and I believe in HIM. I was asked to fall into HIS arms without knowing if HE would catch me and HE did.

So can we talk about "prayer" now - again by definition - an earnest request or wish.
So if we pray to God for "tomorrow" our future does He grant our request? Not always, but if you relate faith and prayer together I would agree with you.

I believe God has a plan for our lives. It may not always be "our plan" but His plan.

So then I was asked isn't prayer a waist of time? Mmmm...for someone with no faith or trust in God for his WILL - YES! But for me NO, you see prayer isn't just a request but a way of allowing God to decide for me. Sometimes what we are faced with is just too much for a human to carry and they need Faith and Prayer that someone and something bigger than them will be there....

So what are your thoughts? Look at this picture of our troops? Do you believe they are requesting guidance and protection with the belief that God will guide and "protect" them? Or do you believe they are just relying on "fate" to carry them through? Some of you might believe that what will be will be...and that is OK. I just wanted to share my opinion.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

2008-10-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

In honor of Ethan today (October 15th) National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss I've decided to ask you to help me with a lil' something. It's simple but I know it will be AMAZING. What has Ethan taught you??? I realize most of you don't have blog accounts but e-mail me your thoughts and I will post them here.

My heart will sing much JOY reading your posts!

I'll start - in short and you all know that's hard for me. Ethan taught Elijah that death is not scarry and there is a place we are all called to be. Ethan taught Kirk and I how to love each other on a level that most couples work at their entire marriage to get too. He taught me to trust God in every way - He allowed me to allow God to turn ashes into BEAUTY. I am a better, Mother, Wife and Friend because of Ethan. He taught me not to judge like the world judges but to Love every one like God loves us.

A friend of mine wrote:

Ethan has taught me what a powerful God we have. I can't imagine losing my child and having the strength to move on with my life and to experience hope and joy again. Through Ethan and this family I have seen how God has carried them and given them the strength and the faith to walk through their sorrow and still hold onto his promises and proclaim his love to everyone. That is amazing to me!

And my response is simply this:

Recently a friend of mine likened it to this, "I am a survivor!" There is no ribbon that can be worn to signify my loss, there is no cure to walk for to make me better some day.

I don't know how many times I've heard, "Oh I would just die if I lost a child!"

The reality is a part of me DID DIE and that is ok. I wake up every day with the harsh reality that I will live a lifetime without my son. But I know now more than ever to cling to my Lord for I know there is a place for me too! A place where my son is safe forever waiting for me and he doesn't even know it. This life is but just a moment in time, time that will soon pass and forever will be here. Forever with my sweet angel baby!

And my fried Shasta wrote:

Ethan has taught me that everyday with your loved ones is truly a miracle, and that we should never become comfortable in life. In a second your world as you knew can be gone and a new world can begin. Linda has taught me that there is life after death. God help me if anything were to happen to one of my family members, but if there were ever anything that did I would have to say that I would look to Linda for help to carry me through. Life is not always happy. There are so many sad things that happen in the course of one life time. Death to many is a very scary thing to think about, more so to the non believer that has no idea of what is to happen once death does occur. It is very sad to have to see a life end in the early stages, before a child has the chance to experience all there is in this world. What I have learned from Linda and Ethan is there is so much more out there for that little life to experience. Linda once told my about a butterfly she would see everyday, there is life after death! And that is what I learned from Little Baby Ethan. I love all of the Davis Family!
Shasta

It is true - God gave me peace in a "butterfly" some might think that silly and that's fine. For me it healed a broken piece of my heart. Yes there are still fracture lines if you look closely enough you'll see them. Most days they are close together and some days they are ripped wide apart.

Dog Sitting 101...

2008-10-13T16:55:00.001-07:00

From left to right may I introduce to you ~ Nutmeg and her new found friends Rooney and Jenny...Rooney's new name is Rampage and Jenny well we just settled for Gentle Jenny ...although the way she guarded our house I would say she's got a bite in there somewhere...

Jenny given Nutmeg sugar, we could also call her Mother Hen!

Nutmeg aka Kung Fu Master and Jenny (notice her head leaning to the right)if dogs could talk she's saying back up I'm working here. I'm telling you this dog sat there for five days straight guarding the house.

See...there she is again guarding the house and supervising Nutmeg and Rooney and when they would get to wound up she'd howl.

So after the past five days we are proud to announce we had no major catastrophes. Kirk is out a golf club cover and some golfing gloves but all in all I'd say that was a successful dog sitting report wouldn't you? We also learned that dogs that don't like their kennels will knock them on their side so to escape like David Blaine. And for a lil' more entertainment they might as well take off their leash and chew it up. So when we try to coral her we can't catch her...yep that would be Rooney in case you all didn't catch that.

Dedication!

2008-10-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share our day with you. Today we dedicated our children to the Lord. I realize most of you know that Elijah came to know Christ two years ago just one week after we lost Ethan. However, over these two years I have drifted to and from the Lord mostly from my anger and confusion as to why God would take Ethan far to soon. Why would such a loving God take the greatest gift of my life away from me? I felt that maybe I wasn't worthy to raise HIS children. As most of you know my journey has been long. So with that said as parents we felt we needed to re-dedicate Elijah to the Lord.

Thank you to all of you who stood by my side and knew I would some day find my way back to the Linda you all knew. Thank you, KIRK for always loving me and never giving up on me. Your dedication to our marriage and your love for my HEART kept me going even when all you could say is it will feel better tomorrow. I learned great things from you. I learned most importantly that God gives and takes away but that it's not because he's punishing us. He never left my side even when I left his for that brief time. My angel Ethan just gets to experience heaven before me. No it's not how we "humans" have it planned but it's how God had it planned. I thank him daily for my life, for the love of my husband, and for my children ~ all three of them.

Today, we stood before our church and raised our children to the Lord. It almost felt like a weight had been lifted, the Lord calling all that time, let me carry them for you....and so we finally gave him our "back packs!" What beautiful peace to hand over the greatest gift of your life to our heavenly FATHER.

Thank you Lord for all you do for us, continue to watch over all of us...AMEN!

Mom and Mason...

2008-10-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

If you look closely you can see those blue eyes...you just have to look past the red eye...I'm not that computer savy to know how to remove it.

Everything is soooooo funny!

I just love this BOY! He is such a joy to my heart!

I found some old pics that will make you laugh...

2008-10-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

At least we all know where he gets it from....

4th of July 2007, that's my boy! Never misses a moment to be silly!

What is up with that face??????????

I so wish I was a pet every now and again...yes she's sun bathing...

This one is of Elijah getting ready for a live museum at school. No we can't just smile for the camera can we?